Why The Older You Are, The More You Hate Everyone (2023)

I used to be one of those girls who was absolutely desperate to be popular, have friends, and be around people. As I get older, I've realized that I've turned into a grumpy, crotchety lady who really doesn't want to be around people.

But is that normal?

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"Generally, people become more emotionally stable, agreeable, and conscientious as they leave their youth behind,"says Jenn Granneman, author of The Secret Lives of Introverts. "They also become quieter and more self-contained, needing less socializing and excitement to be happy."

According toChristine Vargo, CDWF, LCSW,a helpful reason for this is explained in Susan Cains'"Quiet:The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking." The excerptstates, "If the task of the first half of life is to put yourself out there, the task of the second half is to make sense of where you’ve been."

We learn to understandour needs for social interactions and behaviors more aligned with going out, seeking excitingand new experiencesshifts as we grow more mature in age, which speaks to what Psychologists refer to as "intrinsic maturation," says Vargo.

If you find yourself wondering why you hate everyone, especially as you get older, more often than notyou aren't alone — and there are actual reasons why it's happening.

Here are 15 reasons why you hate everyone the older you get.

1. The older you get, the more often people have let you down.

All those Disney songs about having friends who never disappoint you or bail on you clearly haven't taken into account the majority of the human race.

By the time that you're 20, you've probably been dealt major blows by people you never thought would hurt you, and that makes you really jaded,which makes youhate people.

2. You're burnt out.

Even if you're working your dream job, as a society we've become overwhelmed by seemingly never-ending to-do lists. It's all too easy to forget to take time to yourself to recoup, which can quickly lead to burnout.

Some of the symptoms of burnout include exhaustion and a lack of interest in the things you used to love, including other people.And once you're burnt out, it can take up to three to five years to recover.

According to Vargo, in order to avoid burnout, you should spend time withthose who bring you the most joy and pleasure, and doing that means you can "prevent the possibilities of toxic relationships that suck your energy and contribute to compounded resentment. Boundaries are integral in any relationship! As you learn more about knowing and naming what you want, let go of feeling responsible for the feelings of others, and live from a place of understanding your 'full yes';you will be less angry."

3. You learn over time that people ruin the coolest things.

Ever notice how it only takes one stupid person's actions to ruin a good thing? Ever notice how many good things get ruined this way? This is why we can't have awesome things: stupid people.

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4. You find that most people you meet are boring.

Their entire lives revolve around things that aren't important. They don't really make you think about anything in particular. They are boring, and there's a certain point where boring becomes a reason not to talk to them.

If I do hang out with people, I want them to have a real spark inside them, and that just doesn't really happen too often.

5. You discover that 99% of the people you meet are fake.

I hate the fact that most people I've met can't talk about how they really feel, what they're really going through, or what they honestly think about you.

At the end of the day, most people will sugarcoat things that shouldn't be sugarcoated, and most people won't tell you the full truth, even if it's an absolute necessity.

6. You realize that dealing with people's drama is exhausting.

I'd rather watch TV. The drama is more entertaining and it won't negatively affect me.

7.You become more introverted as you age.

As you get older, you don't want to go out as much or meet a lot of new people and go to parties. You also might have more negative feelings about meeting new people as you age.

According to a 2000 study, this is a natural part of getting older, as the personality traits of extraversion and openness lessen.

8. Your tolerance for people judging you and telling you what to do shrinks to zero.

People always love to get angry when you don't live the way they want you to live.

I'm too old to have people judge me, try to control me, or tell me how to live my life. Shouldn't others be more worried about their lives instead?

9. The longer you've been alive, the worse people treat you, in general.

When you're a kid, everyone coos at you and coddles you. When you're a teenager, everyone hates you. When you're an adult, everyone hates you and expects you to do stuff for them.

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10. You have more empathy for animals than humans.

According to a 2017 study, humans actually care more about dogs than they do humans.That might be why I prefer to drink wine with my cats.

11. There's a certain point where you can't deal with people's shallow behavior.

Knowing how shallow people really aremade me really worn out when it came to talking to people. I don't want to bother with people who would discard me based on how much I weigh, what I wear, or how I look.

12. You're depressed.

While some symptoms of depression are well known, such as fatigue and sadness, another sign of depression is hate.

Research has shown that depressed people are more likely to want to withdraw from social situations because they have more trouble dealing with hate than people who are not depressed.

13. Hating people can strengthen existing friendships.

While some people may bond over having things in common like hobbies or careers, others bond over pure hatred. In fact, research has shown that people become closer when they share hate for someone rather than positive feelings.

14. It's harder to manage stress as you get older.

When you get older, the more things that you do in life and obligations or workload and family life might all add up on top of each other,making you very stressed. Throughout time, stress can actually become more difficult to overcome and it can turn to anger.

15. As you get older, youmight develop social anxiety.

You might become more anxious as you grow older. Going out and meeting new people can become more of an anxious thing the less you do it.

Sometimes it comes to a point where you have so much social anxiety in social situations thatyou can't or don't want to meet people or go out anymore.

RELATED:15 Reasons People Don't Like You (That You Probably Aren't Aware Of)

How do you enjoy the company of others again as you get older?

As you get older, you might have to battle increasing social anxiety. This can become a problem because you tend to not enjoy the company of others.

1. Find comfort in loved ones.

In order to change that, you need to ask for help when overcoming social anxiety so you can enjoy the company of others again.

According to Vargo,as we get older we learn the power of discernment in choosing how and with whom we spend our time.

"The process of developing self-trust and moving away from the constant concerns related to what others might think of us creates space for us to choose the people in our lives that bring us joy or allow us to expand and grow. This is in contrast to our experiences in early adolescence and young adulthood, which is typically mired in behaviors that are externally driven," she says.

If you're not feeling good about it andyou have a spouse, your partner can help youtalk about your feelings. They can let you talk it out with them and help you step out of your comfort zone.You could also talk to family members as they are also always there to help you.

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2. Be mindful of how you're living your life.

Health coachDr. Sy Powellsays that aging is living. She recommends flipping the script from the constantnegative ageist perspective on aging andinstead of saying you're growing old, you should say that you're living longer.

"That way we get to affect the outcome of how we age by being mindful of how we are living our lives," says Dr. Powell.

3. Stay active.

According to Dr. Powell,if you're healthy in your old age, you canaffect your happiness in a positive way.

"Our health and fitness is the keystone piece to a strong, long-lived, productive life. How you age is key. Studies show that after age 40, our muscle mass decreases over time by 4% to 8%, making balancedifficult and falls more likely," Dr. Powell adds.

If you're staying physically active, connected to others, and engaged in meaningful activities then you will be a happier person as you get older.

4. Seek professional advice.

You can also change your mindset through the help of atherapist or mental health professional, as they can give you proper advice and guidance. Over time, you'll be able to become more comfortable with others' company the more you ease into it and change your mindset for good.

Vargo recommends therapyto receive 100% support and feedback from someone whose only intention is to offer a safe, confidential space within which to explore and know oneself.

"An effective therapist will not only support the process of shifting your mindset with how to navigate the daily challenges of life, she/he/they will also provide space for clients to deepen their understanding and awareness of the patterns that are no longer serving them," Vargo suggests. "With this new awareness, clients can make a conscious choice about whether to shift their patterns or behaviors."

If you or someone you know is dealing with depression, call SAMHSA's National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) forfree, confidential, 24/7/365 treatment referral and information.For free and confidential emotional support, call 800-273-TALK, no matter what problems or type of stress you’re dealing with.

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OssianaTepfenhartis a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured inYahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.Follow her onTwitterfor more.


Why The Older You Are, The More You Hate Everyone? ›

The older you get, the less you're willing to put up with. When you're young, you may have wanted to be friends with everyone. As you get more mature, the less you're willing to deal with anything that's not worth your time and energy.

Why do we dislike people as we get older? ›

Many people feel less tolerant as they age. Life is busier, we meet less people and it becomes harder to find like- minded individuals. Make sure you have hobbies and interests as this is the best way to make connections with others like you.

What does it mean when you start to hate everyone? ›

A person who hates people is sometimes called a misanthrope. While it is not a mental disorder, misanthropy may sometimes be a sign of a mental health condition, such as anxiety, depression, or antisocial personality disorder.

What is it called when you hate everyone around you? ›

Misanthropy is the general hatred, dislike, distrust, or contempt of the human species, human behavior, or human nature. A misanthrope or misanthropist is someone who holds such views or feelings. The word originates from the Greek words μῖσος mīsos 'hatred' and ἄνθρωπος ānthropos 'man, human'.

What happens when you hate everyone? ›

Mentally, aside from anxiety and depression, you may also experience restlessness and paranoia. These effects of regularly feeling hatred can easily decrease your quality of life, as well as affect your relationships. It's difficult to connect to another person if you're consumed with negativity.

Why do people get meaner as they get older? ›

Some of the factors leading to rudeness in old age are: Hormonal changes. Men see a decrease in testosterone beginning around age 40, and women see a decrease in estrogen beginning around age 50, both of which can lead to depression and mood swings.

Do we get unhappy as we age? ›

Starting at age 18, your happiness level begins to decrease, reaching peak unhappiness at 47.2 in developed countries and 48.2 in developing countries. The good news is that happiness levels then gradually increase.

What is the root cause of hate? ›

What are the root causes of hate? Hate is based in issues of power and control. Hate comes from the idea that certain people can or should have power and control over others. These ideas come from our history where certain people took power over others.

How do you know if people dislike you? ›

  • They distance themselves from you. ...
  • Their arms are always crossed around you. ...
  • There is a lack of eye contact. ...
  • Everything seems forced. ...
  • Their feet are pointed away from you. ...
  • Likewise, their torsos are pointed away from you. ...
  • Surprisingly, too much eye contact can mean they dislike you, too.
Jun 27, 2018

Why do I suddenly not like my friends? ›

This is quite common and is an indicator you're growing as an individual, or, maybe the people around you are outgrowing you. Either way, this is normal. In addition, this might happen because you have fewer things in common or don't have many shared experiences anymore.

What to do when you are hated by everyone? ›

How to Cope When You Feel Like Everyone Hates You
  1. Check in.
  2. Challenge your thoughts.
  3. Distract yourself.
  4. Address conflict.
  5. Practice self-love.
  6. Get support.
Jun 18, 2020

What is the cause of misanthropy? ›

Misanthropy may be motivated by feelings of isolation or social alienation, or simply contempt for the prevailing characteristics of humanity. Misanthropy is commonly misinterpreted and distorted as a widespread and individualized hatred of humans.

How to treat someone who hates you? ›

Being kind and courteous to everyone is a good general attitude to have and it's essential when you're dealing with someone who hates you. Treating everyone with respect and dignity is the most civil thing you can do so go forth and be kind.

How do I get rid of hate in my heart? ›

How to get rid of hatred:
  1. Notice its presence. Pay attention to your spiteful thoughts and words. ...
  2. Identify the source. Explore which issues set hatred into motion. ...
  3. Sit quietly with your hateful emotions. ...
  4. Relax. ...
  5. Replace unhealthy thought patterns. ...
  6. Repeat the process.
Feb 18, 2018

How do I overcome anger and hatred? ›

  1. Think before you speak. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. ...
  2. Once you're calm, express your concerns. ...
  3. Get some exercise. ...
  4. Take a timeout. ...
  5. Identify possible solutions. ...
  6. Stick with 'I' statements. ...
  7. Don't hold a grudge. ...
  8. Use humor to release tension.

How do you deal with someone who hates you for no reason? ›

What to do when someone hates you for no reason
  1. What to do when someone doesn't like you for no reason.
  2. Don't make assumptions.
  3. Practice self-awareness.
  4. Focus on self-improvement.
  5. Don't own others' feelings.
  6. Face conflict head-on.
  7. Beware of approval-seeking behaviors.
  8. Go where you're celebrated.

What age is the most aggressive? ›

Abstract. Frequent use of physical aggression by humans appears to reach its peak between 2 and 3 years of age. In the following years most children learn alternatives to physical aggression. Approximately 4% of children have high levels of physical aggression from early childhood to late adolescence.

Why am I getting angrier as I get older? ›

“When you're older, you're more likely to have physiological irritability,” Stosny said. “That's especially true in the morning when your blood sugar is low.” If you notice your anger welling up, he suggests telling yourself, “Hey, that's just physiological. It doesn't mean anything.

What age is considered elderly? ›

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines an “older adult” as someone who is at least 60 years old. Many states may also have different definitions of “elderly” when determining what resources are available in cases of elder abuse, although most states commonly use 65 years of age as the cut-off.

What is the happiest age in life? ›

According to a study published in the Social Indicators Research journal, we're the happiest between the ages of 30-34, and midlife (our 40s and 50s) is not perceived as the least happy period in life.

What age is peak unhappiness? ›

According to a study from the US's National Bureau of Economic Research, 47.2 is the unhappiest age you can be.

At what age do you stop enjoying life? ›

The middle of life may be a time of unhappiness and stress.

At least, that's the implication of a new survey of 2,000 people from U.K. theater chain Cineworld, which found that life is “least fun” at age 45. Additionally, more than half of people say that finding fun in everyday life gets harder the older you get.

What is the strongest form of hate? ›

Abhor is from Latin abhorrere — "to shrink back in horror." It is the strongest way in English to express hatred, even stronger than loathe.

What is the root of most anger? ›

Feelings of anger arise due to how we interpret and react to certain situations. Everyone has their own triggers for what makes them angry, but some common ones include situations in which we feel: threatened or attacked. frustrated or powerless.

Which hormone is responsible for hate? ›

Oxytocin works as love hormone for in-group humans. But, by doing that, it automatically creates an out-group that it forces us to hate.

What is the aversion to old age? ›

Gerontophobia — fear and loathing of the old and of growing old — is rampant.

Why do older people take longer to react? ›

Reflexes and age

Reflexes do slow with age. Physical changes in nerve fibers slow the speed of conduction. And the parts of the brain involved in motor control lose cells over time. But the effect of age on reflexes and reaction time varies greatly from person to person.

What declines as you age? ›

What's happening. With age, bones tend to shrink in size and density, weakening them and making them more susceptible to fracture. You might even become a bit shorter. Muscles generally lose strength, endurance and flexibility — factors that can affect your coordination, stability and balance.

Does everyone slow down with age? ›

It is widely accepted as one of life's bleak but unavoidable facts: as we get older, our brains get slower. But now a study, based on data from more than 1 million people, suggests that mental processing speed remains almost constant until the age of 60.

What is the syndrome of old people? ›

Geriatric syndromes include a number of conditions typical of, if not specific to, aging, such as dementia, depression, delirium, incontinence, vertigo, falls, spontaneous bone fractures, failure to thrive, and neglect and abuse. Geriatric syndromes are associated with reduced life expectancy.

How do you feel at 90 years old? ›

Physical and mental health

Most of the women (59 percent) and men (62 percent) rated themselves as being in good, very good or excellent health. Many 90-somethings said they not only felt physically healthy, but also experienced good emotional well-being: About 77 percent of them reported no symptoms of depression.

Why is my elderly mother so negative? ›

A big reason that parents develop a more pessimistic attitude with age is boredom. Health conditions and weakness may leave older people sitting around for most of their day. This inactivity encourages them to act out more frequently because they are discontented with their daily lives.

Why do old people get upset so easily? ›

Cognitive decline can cause aging adults to have sudden outbursts of anger. Symptoms of cognitive decline include memory loss and difficulty understanding basic information. Your loved one might become upset if he or she can't recall a particular word or remember the name of a familiar place.

Why do people get more aggressive as they get older? ›

The process of aging can arouse anger and aggression in elderly patients. Violent behavior is often a symptom of distress, either mental or physical. It can also be caused by illnesses such as Alzheimers disease or dementia.

What age is peak reaction time? ›

The next time some twenty-something complains that they feel old, you can reassure them that their feelings are, in fact, not ridiculous. After studying 3,305 people ages 16 to 44, researchers found that the brain's response time begins to decline at age 24.

What are the three stages of old age? ›

The United States' older adult population can thus, be divided into three life-stage subgroups: the young-old (approximately 65 to 74 years old), the middle-old (ages 75 to 84 years old), and the old-old (over age 85).

At what age does the brain start to decline? ›

“Cognitive decline may begin after midlife, but most often occurs at higher ages (70 or higher).” (Aartsen, et al., 2002) “… relatively little decline in performance occurs until people are about 50 years old.” (Albert & Heaton, 1988).

What age do men start slowing down? ›

Physical capacity and muscle strength generally peak between 20 and 30 years of age and then start to decline [R]. This is partly due to the fact that the body isn't able to provide muscles with oxygen at the same high rate it did before due to a drop in cardiac output and VO2Max [R].


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